God Shows Up–Inwardly and Outwardly

“ Jacob dreamed of a stairway that reached from the earth to heaven, with the angels of God going up and down it.  At the top of the stairway stood the Lord.”

After joining the Air Force, I was sent to Yale University to study Chinese. Restless  to shed my Sunday school faith, I began reading a book by the atheist, Bertram Russell.

One day I was surprised and happy when a real Yale student visited me in my dorm. Showing genuine interest in me, he invited me to a weekend gathering of Ivy League Christians. I agreed and when I arrived at a YMCA camp, felt their warm welcome.  As they studied the word and worshiped, I saw for myself their inward faith by their outward fellowship and love for each other. to me it felt like family and it was. I already  knew Jesus was God’s son who died for my sins. But when we sang, “Amazing love, how can it be, that thou my God died for me,” I was floored. Could it be? Was Jesus actually God?

That night, desperate to know the truth, I went and sat on my bunk. I can’t call it a prayer; it was more like a dare: “God, if you exist–if you truly love me enough to die for me, surely you can reveal yourself to me.” I was soon overwhelmed by this Great Presence—what Jacob must have sensed when he said, “Surely the Lord is in this place.”

It was an inward experience. There was no need then for outward evidence. I yielded, completely to him, inviting Jesus into my life for keeps. With slight hesitation, I began to share with a few of my buddies what happened to me, causing a mild stir. I had no clue that my inner experience would soon become a very outward, tangible one.

It started when Alex, a new friend, came to me one night with his Bible. He read to me from all four gospels John the Baptist’s prophecy: “I baptize you in water, but He who comes after me will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.” Alex then read the passage in Acts where Jesus said his followers would be his witnesses after the Holy Spirit came upon them, filling them with power. He also pointed out five instances in Acts where believers did receive that promise. In all cases there was outward evidence of the inward presence–most often it was the gift called glossolalia–the supernatural ability to praise God in a language they never learned.

Alex shared with such deep sincerity. “Wade, this promise of Jesus is for you and all believers. You just have to ask Jesus to fill you with God’s Spirit.”  How could I doubt it? It was right there in the Word? I began to ask Jesus to fill me like that. As with all God’s promises, it is received by faith, so I believe Jesus answered my prayer at that time. However, it was a month before I experienced the actual evidence of that reality.

It happened at a believer’s gathering where I was praising God inwardly with such gratitude and love I could hardly contain it. Suddenly my tongue was moving in a strange way. This must be it! I opened my mouth and couldn’t believe it! A beautiful language gushed from my inmost being,. I was expressing praise to God in a way my limited English could not.

When I returned to my classmates this time, I was on fire, not at all shy to tell them all what had happened. Gossip buzzed all around. Some wanted to hear more, some thought I was nuts and Satan sent a band of militant atheists who took it very seriously. They grilled and argued– trying to talk me out of it. Much later, their ring leader who mocked me openly, told me in private, “Wade, you have no idea how much I envy you.”

After graduation from Yale, the Air Force sent all 30 of us to for training at NSA headquarters. Then it was off  to a mountaintop in Taiwan with a mission–listening by radio for activity of the  Communist Chinese Air Force. Little was going on then, so we had lots of free time. While my buddies were seeking the world’s pleasures, I was having a ball among my fellow believers on the base and down in the city of Taipei. An elderly missionary couple recruited me to preach and also teach the Bible to students from Taiwan University. They were eager to learn English. A young missionary and I became friends. We began witnessing to a brilliant Taiwanese artist and my friend urged me to pay him a visit.                                                                         .

When I knocked on his door, the most beautiful young woman I had ever set my eyes on answered—in a revealing negligee. She was deaf and dumb, but her eyes told me she was available. With hormone’s raging, I fled in panic. That’s when the devil began working me over in earnest, tempting me to join my lost comrades in pursuing the world’s deadly pleasures.

I decided on my own private retreat with the purpose of finding a way out of my faith.  I wrestled with God, rationalizing that it was possible that my inward experiences of His love could have been imagined. But then I recalled the outward, tangible reality of Jesus’ baptism with the amazing gift of tongues. I was stymied. It was no go. It would be  intellectual suicide to deny that. So the devil lost that round and I dedicated myself to serve the Lord with renewed commitment.

Years later, I realized that my wrestling was not unlike Jacob’s in Genesis 32. He had already had an inward experience of God years before at Bethel. But a night came when it became very outward. “A man came to him and they “wrestled” all night. Who was that man? Jacob had no doubts. In the morning “he called the place Peniel: “For I have seen God face to face.”

Isn’t it clear that God’s Word is very clear. God’s will and desire is to confirm to every believer’s heart their inward faith with objective, outward evidence of His love?  Isn’t it true that God will fulfill His promise when believers earnestly seek this baptism? My best friend, Tom Wood, was raised in a church that opposed this experience. They hated the idea of “tongues.” One evening Tom asked me, “What exactly is this baptism in the Spirit?” Immediately God gave me the answer. I replied, “It’s a baptism of Christ’s love.” Satisfied, he joined me at the our chapel’s altar to seek the fullness of God’s Spirit for himself.

This is only a small part of my story with many wondrous things. All praise to God.

If you have not sought this promise of Christ’s baptism in the Holy Spirit, I urge you to search the Scriptures and seek for yourself God’s outward sign of his inward grace.



5 thoughts on “God Shows Up–Inwardly and Outwardly

  1. Wade,

    Thanks for the “God is Dead” post. Your story is special.

    Your life has been a life of challenges and trials for sure. Knowing you are certified sane, I’m sure has been a comfort from time to time.

    Thank you for “permission” comment of my stories last Friday morning. That has been important to me.


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  2. Thanks Wade, for more of your story. It speaks volumes about the quality of your faith that you survived Princeton seminary training and retained your Evangelical faith. My brother’s best friend went into Princeton Seminary as a strong believer in Christ and left as an agnostic. I hear that is the norm.

    As for our conversation with God, in English and other languages… I once took a three hour personality test. I was in the Army, and they were looking for volunteers who would go to Maryland and become subjects for testing various military biological and psychological experiments. The upside would be avoiding being shipped off to war, or foreign lands, easy duty, etc. We were young and too dumb to worry about the downside.

    Anyway, the psych test kept repeating questions, and one question was, “Do you ever receive messages from God?” Every time I came to that question, I hesitated to answer. Of course I hear from God. I pray for guidance, which decision to make, what I should do – and he keeps showing me – through circumstances, advice from others, and through intuition and inspiration – all day long. I have never heard his voice, but I have never been left hanging for long without an answer. So, I answered honestly, yes, I hear from God.

    After about the fifth repetition of that question, and every other question, two and a half hours into the test, I got disgusted and left. I think God was answering my prayed question, “Should I join this program and become a human guinea pig for Army experiments?” The answer was pretty clear. The atheist bias of the test told me everything I needed to know.


    • Thanks for commenting on this post, Dave and for sharing your story. BTW, the test they were giving you was given to me twice at Princeton and I remember that question and how I agonized over it, as you did. I believe that test is rather famous and is still used–The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Test, or something. Charlene knows someone who did complete the test and served as a human guinea pig for the army.


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